Open letter to Lou Piniella and Jim Hendry

OK guys, things aren't going very well. I've been talking to some of my Cub-fan friends and they're seriously pissed. Like, totally upset.

Granted, most of them are your typical, reactionary Cub fans, but with the way this team is under performing, you have to sympathize at least a little bit with them. Is it your fault? Partly. It's mostly the players' fault for sucking so bad. No change of hitting coach or manager or third baseman is going to change that.

But here are some things you can do right now to relieve some of the pressure.

1. Take Soriano out of the leadoff spot: Let him get his head straight in the 6-7-8 hole. Anywhere but at the top of the order. People are really upset about him leading off so this will placate them quite a bit.
   
2. Sign Pedro Martinez: This will get people talking and distract everyone from how bad the offense is. Maybe he can come out of the bullpen and close some games out.
3. Put Soriano at 2B, Fontenot at 3B, and Hoffpauir/Fox in LF: Those last two guys are the only ones hitting lately, so why not get them in the lineup on a regular rotation? They can't be any worse than Soriano out in LF. This way you can stop playing Blanco at 2B when all he can be is a serviceable backup.
4. Keep Gregg as the closer: Marmol is your nastiest reliever, so keep him in a place where you can use him in the 7th and 8th innings. That's why your best reliever shouldn't be your closer.
5. Lou, you're gonna have to blow your top: He sounds like he's through with "making a fool of himself" on the field with his tirades. That he's matured beyond that part of his life. But seriously, this team needs some fire so it's time for Lou to crawl up to the mound and throw a rosin grenade at an umpire. Any umpire. You're gonna let this guy show you up Lou?